those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
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We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
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I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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