Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
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I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
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I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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