Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
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I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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