He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize