why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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