it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
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