I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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