I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
