she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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