this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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