Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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