If i come over, it means nothing
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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