Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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