I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize