Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize