when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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