She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
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from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
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pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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