And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize