I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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