Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
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So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
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Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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