A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
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Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
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We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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