Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
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my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
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PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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