We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
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