You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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