In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
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it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
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