Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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