it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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