I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
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Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
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God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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