she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize