It's like God shit irony all over that family
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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