I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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