Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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