Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize