people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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