No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
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Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
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Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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