asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
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Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
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I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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