how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize