They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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