WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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