Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Four minutes until I can fart!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize