I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
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right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
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I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
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