hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
