You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
