I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize