hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking out of a sandbucket again
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
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