Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Randomize