Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
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Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
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Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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