I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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