If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize