im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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