you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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