There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
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