you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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