UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
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Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
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im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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