I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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